New Site!

Dear Readers,

I have changed domain names.  Please come follow me at http://www.thewallenway.com

In celebration of hitting 1,000 views in one month, I have revamped the site with major help from CJ Hallock.

Same awesome content, new and improved site.  I actually have a real header now.  Also, it is easier to like and share new articles.  You will also be able to browse more conveniently from your mobile phone.

I hope you enjoy the change.  See you on the other side!

Sincerely,

Daniel Wallen
The Wallen Way 

Putting it in practice–3 free routines for fat loss, muscle gain, and bad-assery

Congratulations!  You have accepted reality.  You have admitted your past diet and workout “plan” sucked.  You understand basic principles that will get success.  You have told jogging to GTFO, because you are a PERSON, not a HAMSTER, and to Hell with the YMCA for thinking otherwise.

So…uh… what are you going to do now?

That’s what I’m here for.  I made one routine for fat loss, another for muscle gain.  The main plans include gym equipment, but there is a home fat loss workout also.  Pick whatever suits your situation and goal.

There are a few things we need to go over first:

Sets/Repetitions: Sets are how many times you do each exercise.  Repetitions are how many times you do the exercise in each set.  If you see “Squats 3×12,” this means I want you to do 3 sets of 12 squats.

For strength, do 5×5.  Muscle gain = 4×8.  Fat loss = 3×12.  You can get creative with these configurations later, but let’s keep it simple for now.

Supersets: This is when you perform one exercise, immediately do another, rest, do the first again, then the second, etc.

If you see this:
3×12   A1 Push-ups
A2 Pull-ups

You will do this: A1, A2, rest, A1, A2, Rest, A1, A2, Rest.  You use supersets when exercising contrasting muscles (chest/back) for efficiency. In the fat loss routines, I’m just being mean (and speeding up your metabolism).

Rest Periods: I don’t like to prescribe specific rest periods.  Give your body the time it needs to recover, then move on to the next set.  Use long rest periods for strength; medium for muscle growth; and short for fat loss.  I don’t rest at all during my fat loss workouts.  Yes, this has led to dry-heaving over a trash-can.  But if you’re new, take the time you need.  Distinction: not want, but NEED.  

AMAP: This means “as many as possible.”  I use this acronym on the home body-weight routine since you’re not using weights and different people have different work capacities.  Perform as many repetitions as you can, with the goal of adding more with each new workout.  Do 15 one day?  Do 17 or 18 next time.

Warming Up: There isn’t any need to warm-up for the fat loss workouts.  For the muscle routine, do some jumping jacks and dynamic stretching to wake your body up.  Then warm-up with 50% your starting weight for a set or two, paying close attention to proper form.  Then move on to your starting weight.

There are two workouts–A and B–in each plan.  You’ll do 3 workouts per week, alternating between A and B, with one day of rest in between.

Like so: Mon–A   Tues.–Off   Wed.–B   Thurs.–Off   Fri.–A   Sat–Off   Sun–Off   Mon.–B

Print or write these workouts down.  Track the weight used and sets/repetitions performed.  Improve on at least one variable with each new workout.  Not improving?  Then you’re a) not eating enough or b) not getting enough rest.  Eat more.  Sleep more.  Repeat.

Resist the temptation to add anything.  Don’t jog.  Don’t do a single curl.  No crunches.  If I find out you did any of these things, your punishment is 1,000,000 burpees in the cold.

I will make my own video demonstrations in the future, but I am not there yet; so if you don’t recognize an exercise, do a YouTube search for a video with proper form.  If it has a two star rating, you probably shouldn’t trust it.  If you have questions about proper execution, ask now instead of later.

Let’s get to it!

Home Fat Loss A

3 x AMAP
A1 Jumping Jacks
A2 Mountain Climbers

3xAMAP
B1 Squats (do Jumping Squats if too easy)
B2  Push-Ups (do Elevated or Girl Push-Ups if too hard/Decline Push-Ups if too easy)

C Plank (hold 3x as long as possible)

Home Fat Loss B

3xAMAP
A1 Seal Jacks
A2 Mountain Jumpers

3xAMAP
B1 Burpees
B2 Dynamic Lunges (do Jumping Lunges if too easy)

C Side Plank (hold 3x as long as possible on each side)

Gym Fat Loss A

3×12
A1 Squats
A2 Bench Press

3×12
B1 Dynamic Lunges
B2 Dumbbell Shoulder Press

C1 Kettlebell Swings (3xAMAP–use a dumbbell if no kettlebell)
C2 Plank  (hold 3x as long as possible)

Gym Fat Loss B

3×12
A1  Romanian Deadlift
A2 Under-Hand Lat Pull-Down

3×12
B1 Supine Hip Extension (Supine Hip Extension with Leg Curl if too easy)
B2 Dips

C Side Plank (hold 3x as long as possible)

Gym Muscle Gain A

5×5
A Squats

4×8
B1 Barbell Bench Press
B2 Chin-Up or Under-hand Lat Pull-Down

C Plank (3x as long as possible)

Gym Muscle Gain B

5×5
A Deadlift

4×8
B1 Barbell Push Press
B2 Forward Lunges

C Side Plank (3x as long as possible)

Don’t forget that your diet must match your physical efforts.  You can’t outwork a shitty diet.  Questions on form, potential substitutions, testicular fortitude?  Comment.

Related articles

• An ode to the skinny people: Introduction (thewallenway.wordpress.com)
• Your workout “plan” sucks – An Ode to the Skinny People II (thewallenway.wordpress.com)

Your workout “plan” sucks–An Ode to the Skinny People II

There is a 90% chance this is you.

There is a 90% chance that your workout plan sucks.  I’m not being asshole—I’m just speaking the truth.  9 out of 10 people I encounter are wasting their time in the gym.  Today my goal is to put you in the 10% who will succeed.

I learn from other people’s mistakes.  If you know me, you know that I love live theatre.  I have directed five plays in my short theatrical career.  My first action as director is to look up YouTube videos of past productions with the goal of finding quality performances to inspire me.

But inspiration is hard to come by. I usually end up finding a lot of amateur, unfocused, and just plain bad videos (it’s no wonder community theatre has such a bad rep).  I then make a list of every mistake I find.  This work significantly increases my production quality, because by preparing I have dodged the mistakes of others.

Today I want to introduce you to mistakes I see every day in the gym.  Learn from them to stop wasting time and start getting results.

Mistake #1      Being a “cardio hamster”

Could someone who actually likes cardio please tell me WHY?  I don’t get it.  If you like road races, yeah–you need the endurance work, and good for you,  I couldn’t do it, nor do I have the desire.

But if you are working out purely for health benefits or aesthetic reasons, there are a shit-ton of things that will take less time and yield more results.

Moderate cardio is a bore, not remotely challenging, a waste of time, a waste of money if you seriously pay 50+ a month for the “privilege”… you get the idea.

If you want to build muscle—or tone (cringe)—stay away from the cardio machines.  Cardio builds endurance.  Weight training can also build endurance, but has the primary goals of muscle/strength.  Your body can’t have both at the same time.  It will choose endurance over muscle.

Seeing scrawny people jogging their lives away on a treadmill drives me up the wall.  Do these people not research what they are doing?  Do they not have a mirror?

If you are building muscle, you may go on a light walk ANY time you like.   I walk 2-3 miles per day to calm my nerves and lighten myself after meals.  If you must jog, limit it to 10 minutes, and do it AFTER—never before—your resistance training.

Mistake #2      Working out too much

If you are a beginner, work out 3 days per week.  No more.  You need at least one day of rest in between each workout; so you should have a Mon./Wed./Fri. or Tues/Thurs./Sun. schedule.

Muscles are not built by kicking ass in the gym; muscles grow during recovery.  If you don’t rest, your body can’t recover.  If your body can’t recover, muscles won’t develop.

Mistake #3      Putting the cart before the horse

Please stop “doing the machines.”  I have been a YMCA member for 3 years now.  The people who “do the machines” still look exactly the same to me.  Not to be cocky, but the difference between me now and 3 years ago?  Staggering, especially in comparison.

I blame body-building magazines for making everyone think they have to “isolate” everything.  If you’re advanced, you should do isolation work—but if you are fat or skinny, then you have NO business isolating ANYTHING.  Why the hell would you blast your arms when you don’t have a strong back, broad shoulders, or a buff chest?

It’s Christmas time, so let’s have an analogy.  Imagine you receive a huge box in the mail from Amazon.  You ordered your buddy a blow-up sex doll of Michelle Bachman, because he’s been bitching about being single for the last few months, and Michelle is his favorite wingnut.  The box weighs about 70 lbs.

Now… imagine trying to pick this up by isolating your biceps only.  Hell—drop a pencil and try to pick THAT up with your biceps.

How did that work out for you?  I imagine it didn’t.  You can’t pick up a heavy box—or even a little pencil—by isolating a single body part.  Bend over and pick something up.  Make a mental list of the many muscles that came into action in such a minor movement.

Beautiful, isn’t it?  Work your body as intended: a coördinated whole.

Mistake #4      Treating your legs like second-class citizens

When is the last time you did squats?  Have you even heard of a dead-lift?

“Never” and “eh?” are probably your answers to this.

Nate Green, the author of Built for Show, calls this “KFC Syndrome.”  You can identify it by a pumped chest and chicken-like legs.

If you are a victim of KFC Syndrome, I’m sorry, but you look like an idiot.   If you want to look visually appealing, or have meaningful strength, do something about your pathetic legs.

Mistake #5      Bench/curl/bench/curl/bench/curl = Hurl

Here is the average “workout” I see in the weight-room at my local Y:
Curls, Bench Press, More Curls, Incline Bench Press, Even MORE Curls (all with excessive grunting).

If this sounds like your average workout, you are on a path to destroying your posture.  You are COMPLETELY neglecting your back and shoulders.

Just because you can’t see it in a mirror doesn’t mean you don’t need to work it.  Do you want ladies or gents to check you out from the rear?  Then work your whole body.

Mistake #6      Not using a routine

Buy a routine from an expert you trust.  There are many cheap options available—look up New Rules of Lifting, Built for Show, and Starting Strength to start with.

I still use routines from other trainers.  I improvise in between them during my de-load (lowered intensity sessions in between long routines), but if I made my own routines, I would without fail neglect certain things.

It is a lot easier for me to give other people exercises I dislike than myself; so I make a habit of doing someone else’s program for my workouts.

Trust me on this.  If you want to build muscle, do NOT wing it.  Get a routine from a pro.

Mistake #7      Never changing your routine

Middle-aged men/dads: no, your high school football workout does NOT count as a routine.  You should be switching something up every 4-6 weeks.

A small sampling of things you can change: Exercises, sets (number of times each exercise is performed), repetitions (number of lifts per set), rest periods (longer for muscle/shorter for fat loss), etc.

If you want strength, focus on 5 sets of 5 repetitions.
Muscle growth = 4 x 8.
Fat loss = 3 x 12.

When you’re advanced, let your hair down and try 2 sets of 25 or 7 sets of 3.  There are a million ways to keep your routine interesting.  Don’t stagnate.

Mistake #8      Impatience

Don’t add weight until you have proper form.  You have no business adding a single pound to squats until you can do them correctly with no weight.  I made myself begin squatting with a 45 lb. bar.  Be patient, get the form down, and you’ll start adding plates before you know it.

Mistake #9      Treating the gym like social hour

Joe Douche walks into his local Y and does the following:
-Performs 1 set of bench presses
-Fiddles with cell phone for 2-3 minutes
-Hits on cute girl doing Yoga
-Performs 1 set of bench presses
-Wanders to TV and watches football game for 5 minutes
-Hits on Yoga girl more, until she tells you to screw off (2-3 minutes)
-Finally performs next set

Do I even need to tell you why this is bad?  Don’t half-ass it.  You’ll get better results working hard on a shitty program than loafing on a good one.  You are in the gym to WORK.  Not socialize.  Not read.  Not text.  You’re there to kick ass, and nothing else.  I’m stand-offish at the gym, because to me, it’s not the place for socializing.  If you’re going to hit on the cute yoga girl, finish your damn workout first—maybe she’ll be impressed by your focus and energy and give you a shot.

Mistake #10    Only doing exercises you like

Do at least one exercise you HATE every work out.  If you only do stuff you like, then you won’t improve.

I hate chin-ups.  Always have.  They made me feel like a sissy, because I couldn’t even do ONE for YEARS.  Guess what?  By making myself keep at it, I can do 7 now.  Is that anything to write home about?  No, but it’s a hell of a lot better than 0, and I will build more upon this.

Mistake #11    Not tracking your progress

You should carry a notebook or clipboard to every training session.  You need to track the amount of weight lifted, the number of sets, and repetitions performed in each set.  Your goal is to improve on at least one of these variables with every new workout.  You could add an extra set/repetition, use a heavier weight, or complete your workout in less time.  If you’re not improving your workload, you’re not going to improve your physique.

My next post will be two sample routines for beginners, so you can put your newfound knowledge into action.  I will create one for fat loss and another for muscle gain.

Related articles

• Your workout “plan” sucks – An Ode to the Skinny People II (thewallenway.wordpress.com)
• Eating carbs at the right times to put muscle in the right places: An Ode to the Skinny People I (thewallenway.wordpress.com)
• An ode to the skinny people: Introduction (thewallenway.wordpress.com)

Eating carbs at the right times to put muscle in the right places: An Ode to the Skinny People I

Okay, skinny people–class is in session.  I let you off easy last time with an introduction, but now it’s time to crack down.  Tonight I am going to teach you about carb cycling–a sneaky way to gain muscle without the unwanted fat gain that can tag along.

Many body-builders talk about “bulking and cutting,” where you work out a lot and eat a hell of a lot for your efforts.  Yeah, you put on some muscle as a result of the face stuffing… but inevitably some fat tags along, too.   And then you have to go on a restrictive diet a few months later to cut fat (losing some muscle with your fat)… and you go back and forth for the entirety of your training career.  As you can see, this is a vicious (and inefficient) cycle.

If you were “bulking and cutting” all the time, then you would be chubby for roughly half of the year.  Since I would rather look good without a shirt all year, this seems counter-intuitive to me.

BUT I HAVE GOOD NEWS!  Enter carb cycling.  Carb cycling is a method where dieters eat specific nutrients at specific times based on their body’s needs.

Carbohydrates carry nutrients throughout your body.  They are the fuel that allows you to carry heavy things, run fast, leap tall buildings in a single bound, steal other kids’ lunch money, or whatever it is that you do.

You can see how a body would need carbs to build muscle effectively.  But they can also cause fat gain if you eat too many of them.  We all know that eating too much bread and pasta can make a person get fat, and as for what happens when you eat too much rice, just look at sumo wrestlers.

So, what the hell can we do about this?  We can structure our meal timing in a way that we only consume carbs at the particular times that our body needs them the most… then, we will cut them off completely to avoid unwanted fat gain.

But before we do all that, we need to figure out how many calories we need.  Yes… I said it… calories.

If you read my post on the <a href=http://thewallenway.wordpress.com/2011/11/09/diet-a-four-letter-word-that-often-leads-to-deprivation-frustration-and-ultimately-failure>slow carb diet</a>, you know I REALLY hate counting calories.

Fat loss and muscle gain are different beasts, however. We need to eat more than our body requires to gain muscle; but if we eat too much, or eat the wrong foods, we’re just going to get fat.  Getting fat sucks.  So let’s suck it up and count some calories so we can have an educated guess to start with.

If you need to lose fat, I’ll show you how you can use carb cycling too.  I know the slow carb diet is not for everyone, so you can use carb cycling for slower (but still sustainable) fat loss.

Let’s do this!

Step 1) Calculate your basal metabolic rate (BMR). 

BMR is the amount of energy you expend during 24 hours if you don’t do shit.  If you planted yourself on the couch for all of Sunday’s football games, you’d still burn the number of calories equal to BMR.

Size, sex, and age determine BMR.  Here’s how you calculate it:

Men:          BMR = 66 + (13.7 X wt in kg) + (5 X ht in cm) – (6.8 X age in years)
Women:    BMR = 655 + (9.6 X wt in kg) + (1.8 X ht in cm) – (4.7 X age in years)

Note: 1 inch = 2.54 cm.
1 kilogram = 2.2 lbs.

I’m a 175 lb. (175 / 2.2 = 80 kg), 6’3 (75in x 2.54 = 190.5 cm), 24 year-old male.  So for me, this formula would look like:

66 + (13.7 x 80) + (5 x 190.5) – (6.8 x 24)
66 + 1,096 + 953 – 163 = 1,789 calories burned playing Batman: Arkham City all day.

Step 2) Factor in Activity Level

The more stuff you do, the more calories you burn.  Pick the category that suits you and multiply it with your BMR.

Activity Level Factor                                     Activity Level
1.0                                                                 Sedentary (being a couch potato)
1.2                                                                 Very light  (desk job)
1.4                                                                  Light (desk job with occasional walking)
1.6                                                                  Moderate (non-physical job, going to gym)
1.8                                                                  High (physical job plus training)
2.0                                                                  Extreme (very physical job or heavy training)

I imagine most of you reading this would be at moderate like me.  I don’t know who the hell would be considered “Extreme” except maybe Chuck Norris, Jack Bauer, and Batman.

I go to the gym 5 days a week and work a desk job, so I’m going to multiply my BMR by 1.6.

1,789 x 1.6 = 2,862 calories. 

Step 3) Adjusting calories for your goal 

The above number is what you need to maintain your bodyweight–so you need to do some math here based on your goals.  Let’s keep it simple.

Want to add muscle?  Add 500 calories.  Want to lose fat?  Subtract 500.

Adding or subtracting 500 calories per day will give you a total of 3,500 above or below maintenance, and 3,500 calories = 1 pound of fat lost or muscle gained per week.

Since I want to build muscle, I’m going to do this:

2,862 + 500 calories = 3,362.  Let’s just round and make that 3,400.

Step 4) Timing your nutrients

I’m not going to ask you to do any insane formulas to figure out the ratio of fat, protein, and carbohydrates you need in your diet.  In my experience, it is unnecessary.  Make healthy choices to reach the number of calories you need, and leave it at that.  It pains me enough to count calories, so let’s not count grams of everything else, too.  Here are some food suggestions.

Fat: beef, chicken, pork, fish, eggs, avocado, cheese, almonds, olive oil
Protein: same as fat, plus whey/casein protein
Carbohydrates: oatmeal, wheat bread, fruit, brown rice, wheat pasta, corn, peas, carrots

A Few Notes on Meal Timing

• Do not eat fat immediately before or after a workout.  Digestion can interfere with the recovery process.  You don’t build muscle by kicking your ass in the gym; you build muscle by kicking ass in the gym, and then giving your body the fuel it needs to recover.  I made this mistake for a year, unfortunately.  If you work out in the morning, drink a protein/carbs shake before, during, and/or after your workout. My favorite workout shake recipe is:
  -Chopped banana
  -Handful of frozen blueberries
  -Skim milk
  -Chocolate peanut butter whey protein powder
  -Probiotics (see “Green Vibrance” in Holiday Shopping Guide)
  -Creatine
• Consume carbohydrates immediately upon waking and in the 2 hours before and after your workout.  You will avoid unwanted fat gain by giving your body carbs when you need it. Remember this sentence: Eat for what you are doing or are about to do.  If it’s early or you’ve just worked out, you may eat those whole grain pancakes: otherwise, don’t do it.
• If it is not one of these times; focus on consuming protein, fat, and green vegetables.

Would it help to see this in practice?  Allow me to show you my first attempt at applying carb cycling to my diet.  I made these food choices to reach my required 3,400 calories.

6 a.m.–wake up, drink 2 glasses of water, and protein/carbs shake (avoiding fat)
6:30-7:30–work out
8–protein/carbs shake (avoiding fat still)
11–brown rice, tuna, carrots, peas, and corn with squeezed lemon (body is still open to carbs at this point)
2–spinach salad with chicken thigh and boiled egg (carbs have now been cut off so I’m focusing on protein, fat, and green veggies)
6–3 scrambled eggs with mozzarella cheese, hot sauce, spinach, and tomato; pork chop
9–handful of almonds

Step 5) Adjusting based on progress

No matter how precise you are, you will never get this right the first time.  Measuring your progress is extremely important.  You need to take some tape measurements every month to insure you’re going in the right direction.

I measure my waist, chest, thighs, and arms.  I measure my waist to make sure I am not gaining fat (eating too much) and I measure the rest to make sure I am adding new muscle mass (not eating enough).

After one month of beginning carb cycling, nothing had changed.  I was happy to not gain any fat, but disappointed that I wasn’t getting buff.  So I added more food.  I am going to copy/paste the above meal schedule again and bold my changes.

6 a.m.–wake up, drink 2 glasses of water, and protein/carbs shake
6:30-7:30–work out while drinking half protein/carbs shake
8–protein/carbs shake
10–2 slices of wheat bread, apple, and orange
11–larger portion of brown rice, tuna, carrots, peas, and corn with squeezed lemon
2–spinach salad with 1.5 chicken thigh and 2 boiled eggs
6–4 scrambled eggs with mozzarella cheese and hot sauce, spinach, tomato,  pork chop
9–handful of almonds

I followed this new meal schedule for a month, took measurements, and found that this time my waist size remained stable… but my chest had grown a little over an inch.  Awesome!

I imagine I will need to add even more food to this diet as I gain more size… but I’m going to stick with this meal plan until results stop.

You need to always be aware of your progress.  Otherwise, what’s the point?  You won’t get this right the first time–you just won’t–hell, I didn’t.  But with special attention, you will get there.  If you notice you are putting on some waist size, eat less; if you aren’t building muscle, eat more.  Simple as that.  Stay on track, keep changing your intake in the direction of your goal, and kick ass.

We all know you can’t just eat a lot and expect to gain muscle.  You’ve gotta do some hard work in addition to all of this eating.  My next blog will concern the benefits of weight lifting, and include a sample routine for skinny beginners.

Related articles

• Eating carbs at the right times to put muscle in the right places: An Ode to the Skinny People I (thewallenway.wordpress.com)
• An ode to the skinny people: Introduction (thewallenway.wordpress.com)

An ode to the skinny people: Introduction

Think losing fat is hard? Pardon me while I scoff. Wait ‘til you try to build muscle.

I spent twenty years being a fat-ass, so I know that losing fat isn’t easy in practice. But the principles are basic.

Losing fat does not take skill. Yeah, it takes discipline and a HELL of a lot of it. Discipline is lacking today, and this is why America is getting fatter and fatter with no end in sight.

I believe losing fat is more a mental struggle than a physical one (spoiler—this is what my e-book, due early next year, will be about. You better be stoked since I’m giving this shit away for free).

If everyone in America grew a pair, developed an ounce of discipline, and printed out the following sentence and followed it—our obesity epidemic would crash harder than a diabetic after consuming 20 doughnuts on DGW (Dieters Gone Wild).

Guaranteed successful fat loss in short: eat a small-to-medium amount of complex slow-digesting carbs (vegetables, beans/legumes); avoid simple fast-digesting carbs (breads, cereals, pasta, rice, etc.); if you must eat fast-digesting carbs, do so within an hour of waking or within an hour of a resistance training workout; eat a fist of protein in each meal (beef/chicken/pork); don’t drink calories; create a caloric deficit throughout the week with an occasional caloric spike to keep your metabolism humming.

Are you new here? If you need to lose fat, you should start with the slow carb diet, then read about why cheating is not a bad thing, and then check out this FAQ/common new dieter screw-up guide.

FINALLY we have reached the point—building muscle is NOT so simple.  It requires discipline, skill, and a “never surrender” attitude.

I consider myself a “fat-loss mad scientist,” but I’m still in the training-wheels stage of muscle growth. Have I had minor successes? Sure. I have put on a little muscle over the last couple months without gaining fat back—but I want more and I want it faster. I’ll make a personal progress report in the near-future about my successes and failures so far.

If you’re a skinny guy wanting muscle, or a skinny girl wanting “tone,” you have a lot of variables to consider.

Note: I hate the word “tone,” but I don’t want to hear all of this “won’t weight lifting make me bulky?!” nonsense females have been brain-washed into believing.

If you want to build muscle, you’ll need to consider:
1) Caloric surplus—you’ll have to man up and eat than you burn… but how much more do you need?
2) Meal timing—what nutrients should you eat at what times?
3) Exercise—what kind and how much?
4) Pre/post-workout nutrition—is it necessary? What supplements are worth it? When do you need this fuel the most?
5) Progress—how will you measure it, and how often?

Do these variables come into play during fat loss? They absolutely should. But if you follow the basic principles I am trying to beat into your head, you will without fail lose fat.

In the muscle game, this isn’t the case unless you have luck and flawless genetics on your side. You will have to modify what you are doing constantly to make sure you aren’t gaining more fat than muscle, or are gaining anything at all.

Skinny guys and gals reading this:
What struggles have you faced trying to build muscle/tone(ugh)?
What kinds of exercise routines have you tried?
Were they successful, or no?  Why do you think that is?
What general questions to you have about the five variables above?

If you have questions about anything else, fire away.  I will answer your questions in the most appropriate blog post.

We will begin building your Superhero body with my next post about the muscle-friendly diet.

Related articles

• Eating carbs at the right times to put muscle in the right places: An Ode to the Skinny People I (thewallenway.wordpress.com)
• Your workout “plan” sucks – An Ode to the Skinny People II (thewallenway.wordpress.com)

Holiday gift-guide for the health-conscious in your life… or yourself, you greedy bastard.

Ah, Christmas. The time that we all love and hate, because of the consumerism that runs rampant in our society. Sure, you end up with a lower bank account, but it balances out–you get a bunch of really cool presents, too. Win!

Because giving is more fun than receiving (stop snickering and at least PRETEND it’s true), I have put together a shopping guide for your fit or soon-to-be-fit friends. 

Or if you don’t want to buy anyone any damn presents, but want some product suggestions that will help you fight fat and win, that is okay too. 

Is your boyfriend a gym-hound?
Does your wife wish she had Michelle Obama’s arms?
Do you have a friend who WILL lose his spare tire in the New Year (no guys, really for serious this time!)?

I’ll be frank—there is a lot of pure crap out there. Unfortunately, I have bought a lot of it over the last 3 years. 

But my loss is your win; I would like to share the best fitness products I have found. Whether your friend, lover, or family wants to lose fat or build muscle; whether they work out at home or in a gym; and whether they are a beginner or an expert, there is something here for everyone.

I am also taking cost into account; I know budgets are tight now, so you will not find any expensive gym memberships or treadmills here. 

There are 3 pillars to fitness: diet, exercise, and supplementation. I will include a few options for each pillar. Diet is the most important, so if your friend is a total beginner, I recommend picking one from the “diet” category and possibly another from “exercise” if you wish. No amount of exercise can undo a bad diet, and “supplementing” a crappy diet is stupid, so don’t do it.

Summary:
Diet = Beginners
Exercise = Intermediate
Supplementation = Advanced

Got it? Let’s go!

DIET: BEGINNER

”The Four Hour Body” by Timothy Ferriss

WHAT: This Bible-sized text offers chapters on anything and everything wellness-related. If you want to lose fat, build muscle, run faster/longer, have better sex, etc.—there is probably something here for you. Tim, a polarizing figure who brings about love or hate, made himself a human guinea pig; and here he shares what worked best in his fat loss/muscle gain/general health endeavors. This book inspired my views on slow carb dieting and cheat days. His methods aren’t conventional, but the ones I have tested are effective.

HOW MUCH: $16

RANDOM QUOTE: “If results are fast and measurable, self-discipline isn’t needed.”

HOW MUCH: $16

GOOD FOR: Intellectuals, nerds, busy people, people who love reading

“Gourmet Nutrition: The Cookbook for the Fit Food Lover” by John Berardi 


WHAT: Food porn. Think healthy eating sucks? Not anymore. This cookbook includes pictures of every glorious recipe, a nutritional breakdown, side dish suggestions, and meal-timing (anytime/post workout/etc.)

HOW MUCH: $43

GOOD FOR: People who like to cook, stay at home moms, people who claim healthy eating sucks

Grocery Store Gift-card
Yes, seriously. If you have a loved one who is serious about starting a diet, this could be the most practical gift to buy.

EXERCISE: INTERMEDIATE

Kettlebell

WHAT: The best fat loss tool in creation. The kettlebell swing is a high impact lift that corrects your posture, speeds up your metabolism, and torches calories with little time invested. You can see a demonstration video of kettlebell swings here. 100 kettlebell swings three days a week is more beneficial for fat loss than three hours on a treadmill. Don’t believe me? Test it out for a week and compare your progress to hamster-like cardio. I double-dog dare you to prove me wrong. Swings are a movement  performed for high repetitions, so you don’t need a heavy one–I use 25 lb and can now do 80 consecutive swings without rest.

HOW MUCH: Price varies depending on weight and whether you would like an accompanying DVD routine. There are some decent DVD’s on Amazon, but they are not necessary; if strapped for cash, watch the link above and do the swings as instructed. Do 3 sets of as many as you can 3 times a week, and either a) do more total swings or b) do the same amount of swings in less time with each workout. You want to increase your work capacity or decrease time invested.

GOOD FOR: Busy people (moms/dads/students/workaholics), people without a gym home, people tired of wasting money on their gym membership, women who think “lifting weights” means “getting bulky.” Ladies: I’ll make a blog about why this misconception is holding you back soon. But resistance training is not going to make you “bulky.” This myth annoys the shit out of me.

Jump Rope

WHAT: The second-best fat-loss tool on the planet. Jumping rope beats the shit out of running on a treadmill. If you are paying $50/month for a gym membership when all you do is treadmill or elliptical work, newsflash: YOU ARE WASTING YOUR MONEY. If you are actually using the weight-room, that is one thing; but paying this much just to do cardio is insane.

Ten minutes of rope-work hits me harder than a 2 mile jog. Also, Rocky Balboa did it. If you have a LOT of weight to lose and are a total beginner, do yourself a favor: buy a kettlebell and jump rope, kick ass at home, throw in some complimentary body-weight resistance training, enjoy the savings, and get a gym membership when you are ready for new challenges.

HOW MUCH: $7

GOOD FOR: Busy people, people without a gym membership, people tired of wasting money on their gym membership, your 5 year-old pig-tailed cousin.

Foam Roller

WHAT: The cheapest chiropractor visit of your life. Foam rolling increases the QUALITY of your muscle. Cracking/popping knees are a sign of trigger points that cause joint stress; you foam-roll your trigger points to eliminate stress, increase your work capacity, and create quality workouts. I used to experience slight knee discomfort after heavy squat workouts. Foam rolling allows me to squat heavy loads with no pain.

HOW MUCH: $8-$28 depending on size

GOOD FOR: Advanced heavy lifters, people with knee/back pain, anyone with popping knees/shoulders/other body parts

The New Rules of Lifting by Lou Shuler and Alwyn Cosgrove

WHAT: The book that introduced me to weight lifting, my favorite activity in the world. You will learn how performing functional movements (push, pull, twist, squat, dead-lift) trumps isolation training or being a cardio hamster. This book includes several routines with different goals; fat loss, hypertrophy (muscle growth), or strength.

RANDOM QUOTE: “A generation ago, the idea that strength training was actually good for you–that it offered any health benefits, that it helped people live longer, that it did anything besides give you bigger muscles to flex or stronger muscles to push people around with–seemed absurd.”

HOW MUCH: $12

GOOD FOR: Guys who insist on doing 10 variations of curls in the squat rack, your “chicken legs” boyfriend, people who half-heartedly perform cardio while watching their favorite soap, your dad who is still perfecting his high school football workout, anyone with a gym membership and no concrete routine.

The New Rules of Lifting for Women by Cassanndra Forsynthe, Lou Shuler and Alwyn Cosgrove

WHAT: The same as above, but with less testosterone and more estrogen.

HOW MUCH: $12

GOOD FOR: Your hard-ass girlfriend, a wife with anger management, cross-dressers, etc.

<a href=”http://www.amazon.com/Built-Show-Body-Changing-Workouts-andLooking/dp/1583333193/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1322516067&sr=1-1“>”Built for Show” by Nate Green</a>

WHAT: Nate offers a seasonal approach to strength-training that is awesome in simplicity and logic.  You do strength training during fall and winter, when your body will be covered with a sweater and fat loss is not a priority.  During spring, your primary goal is muscle growth with some fat loss/mobility work.  Summer is full-throttle fat loss to shred some flab in time for your beach trip.  Nate also offers an uncommon, warm humor that makes reading about exercise fun.  

HOW MUCH: $14

GOOD FOR: Skinny guys needing muscle, chubby guys needing fat loss, college dudes, and people listed under “New Rules”

SUPPLEMENTATION: ADVANCED

<a href=”http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fish_oil“>Fish Oil</a>
WHAT: I’m sure you have heard of “EPA,” “DHA,” and all the other acronyms we all pretend to understand.  Instead of going into what the hell that means, I’m going to list some benefits of using fish oil: decreased risk of breast/colon/prostate cancer, lower blood pressure, more powerful brain cells, fat loss, etc.

HOW MUCH: Varies, but $7-12ish depending on where you buy it.

GOOD FOR: Just about everyone, but consider getting this for middle-aged through older folks especially.  

<a href=”http://www.amazon.com/Vibrant-Health-Green-Vibrance-Family/dp/B000NDME6C/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1322516258&sr=8-1“>Green Vibrance</a>

WHAT: Nutritional power-house and super food.  Benefits include energy boost, smoother digestion (this powder has done wonders for my morning poops!), smoother skin, improved mood, strengthened immunity, etc.  

HOW MUCH: $52 for 60-day supply

GOOD FOR: Advanced fitness freaks and anyone experiencing serious sickness, pain, or medical treatment

OTHER TOOLS FOR ANYONE

iPod Shuffle

WHAT: Duh. Here’s a fun fact: In 2002, the US Sports Academy found that subjects listening to techno music ran 5-9% faster than without music. I’m not big on techno or cardio; but I crank up some Bad Religion, Iron Maiden, Jay-Z, and other punk/metal/rap for my workouts. Try to jump rope while keeping rhythm with a speedy tempo’d song (Between the Buried and Me or Blitzkid for me), and you will appreciate the power of music.

HOW MUCH: $46

GOOD FOR: Anyone!

Omron Body Composition Monitor

WHAT: This scale measures weight, body fat percentage, BMI, visceral fat (ninja fat hidden under your organs), and more. I used this scale to track my progress once-a-week during my fat-loss experience. If you are a body-builder, you should NOT use this; otherwise, it is a great tool to hold you accountable.

HOW MUCH: $62

GOOD FOR: Anyone who has a long journey ahead of them.

<a href=”http://www.amazon.com/Sundesa-BB28-MC01-BlenderBottle-28-Ounce-BlenderBall/dp/B0018G4ZEW/ref=sr_1_1?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1322516443&sr=1-1”>Blender Bottle</a>

WHAT: A portable bottle for your favorite work-out shake.  Trainers debate on the best time for a post-weight-training shake.  Before your workout?  During?  After?  The difference is minor and only matters to the advanced trainer, but with this bottle you can have all THREE.  I drink a mix of skim milk, whey protein, chopped banana, and frozen berries before my workout.  Then I use a carb and protein mixture with water during the workout.  Last I drink one more mix of casein (slow-digesting) protein, and fruit with a fish oil pill and multi-vitamin.  If you are a newbie, you don’t need to take it this far… I get the most “boost” out of drinking my shake during my workout, but do what is most convenient.
 
HOW MUCH: $7

GOOD FOR: Gym rats, busy/on-the-go people, “OH CRAP I’M LATE FOR WORK” breakfast repair, etc.

I hope you find this list useful in buying for the health-conscious in your life.  Let me know if you have any questions about potential presents for your peeps.

My next post will be the first in a series for skinny guys and gals desiring muscle tone.

An Open Letter to Congress: Are you intent on making our children fat?

Dear Assholes,

Let me get this straight.  You are currently at a 9% approval rating.  To put that into perspective, a mere ten years ago, 65% of Americans actually liked their elected officials. 

Today you are less popular than communism (11%), Paris Hilton (15%), Nixon during Watergate (23%), and pornography (30%–although I think this is actually 65% because half of the “disapproves” are liars).    

Congress: “How can we fight against the collapse of American’s confidence in our government?”

Did they work out a debt deal?  No. 

Put forth an innovative bill to create jobs?  Hahaha, right. 

Answer: They declared that pizza is a vegetable. Yes.  Seriously. 

The Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act passed last year.  The Department of Agriculture (USDA) proposed new standards for school lunches including more funding for cafeteria food; more fruits, veggies, and whole grains; and new restrictions on sodium and fat.  The bill specifically would require cafeterias to stop counting French fries and tomato sauce on pizza as “vegetables.” 

Sounds great, huh?  Who could argue with this?  Congress, apparently.  These assclowns have already voided this bill completely, because “the federal government shouldn’t be telling children what to eat.” 

Idiots: By putting a plate of salt, empty calories, and fast-digesting carbohydrates in front of our children every day and bending over backwards to appease your corporate overlords, you ARE TELLING OUR CHILDREN WHAT TO EAT. 

Salt makers, potato farmers, and food companies that make frozen pizzas requested the changes to this bill.  Are you surprised?  I’m not.

“But we’re in a deficit right now!  We need to cut off all government spending.”

Here’s a little fact for you: unless we reverse our current obesity trend, fatness will be responsible for over $860 billion of our healthcare cost by 2030.  Obesity is already responsible for 10% of our health care costs according to CDC.  This cost has doubled in the last decade.   

Not enough for you?  According to a study by Mark Huffman at Northwestern University, “Americans are continuing to get fatter and fatter. In the current trend, 83% of men and 72% of women will be overweight or obese by 2020.”

32% of men and 34% of women are already obese.  By 2020, this number will rise to 43 and 42 percent. 

I searched for the cost of the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act and came up empty.  But I don’t care. 

Being fat is expensive.  It is a drag on your doctor bills, your workplace’s insurance costs, and your happiness and well-being.  We live in a society that is reactive; we do not pro-actively spend our time and resources in an effort to lose weight to prevent diabetes and health conditions.  We choose not to deal with it until it is too late, which is much more expensive for your bank account, our growing deficit, and your quality and quanity of life. 

Our government will eagerly open its already-empty wallet to spend on new wars, but we can’t approve a bill that will a) save us health care costs in the long run, b) make a dent in our ballooning (not to mention embarassing) obesity trends, and c) help children fight obesity now before the damage is done.

I am disgusted.  I was not a rich kid.  I was on the free or reduced lunch plan for the entirety of my public school existence.  And you know what?  I blame school lunches for contributing to my obesity.  Sole cause?  Of course not, but it was a heavy contributor. 

I was a fat-ass.  Since I ate pizza, fries, and a brownie every lunch period… how could anyone be surprised?  My mom required me to eat a healthy breakfast and a dinner that varied in health; but pizza and fries were my lunch EVERY day, just like it is for countless kids struggling with fat today.

Being fat made me self-conscious, sad, ashamed, and prone for bullying.  I regret these childhood years immensely.  I wish I was educated about healthy eating. I wish I was required to eat healthier lunches as a child.  I wish I could go back and do it all over; maybe I wouldn’t have been a fat ass for 20 years.   

This bill’s initial passing made me thrilled, because I thought children would get a chance that I did not have.  Now that is not the case.

Fuck you, Congress.  I hope you end up with the diabetes you’re trying to give our children. 

Sincerely,

Daniel Wallen

P.S. Dear readers, if this pisses you off, please go sign this petition.  I know it might not matter–our elected officials don’t appear to care what we think–but they do need to get the message that we are not happy. 

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/43/tell-congress-that-pizza-is-not-a-vegetable/